DEADPOOL TIL PRESSEN: VI BESTIKKER JER (MED PRESSEMATERIALE, I KAN SÆLGE PÅ EBAY…)

Da den samlede verdenspresse skulle se Deadpool 2, fik man som altid det såkaldte presskit med de obligatoriske rosende ord om filmen og visse ofte ret ligegyldige tekniske oplysninger. Det er et par sider, man hurtigt skimmer og lægger væk. Men dennegang var der et særligt forord fra manden selv. En hel sides tekst skrevet af Deadpool og henvendt direkte til journalisterne. Her skriver han bl.a., at presskit’et skal ses som en form for bestikkelse – der dog er ret værdiløs, eftersom ingen gider købe den slags på eBay – måske bortset fra i Tyskland.

Jeg synes Deadpools kommentarer er så tilpas relevante, at jeg mener de skal ud til folket – så her er de, hans egne ord – uden ændringer eller tilføjelser:

A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE DESK OF THURSTON DEADPOOL, III, ESQUIRE.

Dear Extinguished Member of the Press,

If you’re reading this, you’re literate. So there’s that. And if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further. You remember the name of the first film, don’t you? That’s not a test. It was Deadpool. And this is the Press Kit for our short-awaited sequel – Deadpool 2. The softestheaded among you might be wondering, “What is a press kit?” Is it a mechanism for setting up a dry cleaners? Or a tutorial for bejeweling nails? Where did the word even come from? Sadly, the one man who knew died in the Paraguayan Civil Unrest of 1864. His name was Milo. A horse fell on him. His final words were ‘Caramba!’ Which are of no help to us now. For our purposes, a Press Kit is a way of bribing professional journalists with glossy insider information they can keep in a desk drawer or sell on eBay when drugs become expensive. I’m kidding. Nobody’s selling Deadpool Press Kits on eBay. I checked. Just one guy in Germany, but that’s expected from the country that brought us World War One. And its sequel, World War Three.

Which brings us to our point – why did we make a sequel? As few as six years ago, if someone asked you about a Deadpool sequel, you would’ve looked at them like a dog looks at grapes (dogs don’t eat grapes, feel free to check, I’ll wait). Back then, no one was asking for a Deadpool sequel, or prequel to the sequel, or even Doritos Tacos Locos for that matter. But here we are, millions of tickets and billions of tacos later. And people do love sequels.

From The Great Muppet Caper to New Mexico, studies reveal audiences actually prefer a rehashed, watereddown copy to the original. Is Deadpool 2 better than a Dorito Taco? Who knows. Screw you for even asking. But there’s only one way to find out. Head to your local corporate-owned movie house and check out Deadpool 2’s bigger F/X, bigger cast, and bigger budget – in all its glory. I’ll keep an eye out for you (and any falling horses). And I’ll bring a cheeseboard.

Your friend,

Deadpool

Disse er ordene, smukke, enklte, fornærmende.